Today we are going to talk about something very serious and something that can even destroy relationships. Today we are going to talk about managing mismatching sex drives.
In order to understand this, you must understand that every person has a unique sex drive of some kind.
The key here is to understand that people have different sexual needs and different levels of sex drives. This dictates their intimacy and frequency of sex.
The problem with a mismatched libido is that you might want a lot of sex or you might not want a lot of sex but your partner might want the opposite. This leads to compromise in sexual relationships.
And this only means that someone is not getting satisfied when it comes to their sexual needs and it is not at all balancing sexual needs.
That is why we are going to talk about strategies for navigating different sexual desires so that you can build sexual compatibility with your partner.
This will help you in relationship satisfaction as well as in negotiating sexual satisfaction.
TIPS TO NAVIGATE DIFFERENT SEXUAL DRIVES AND LIBIDO
· COMMUNICATION IS A GOOD START
If you want to solve sexual desire differences between you and your partner then the first and the most important thing to do is to sit down and talk.
This is a serious issue and you should not just leave it to chance. You should just sit down and create a space of no judgement and be very positive and supportive when you have that conversation.
When you are having that conversation with your partner, you need to give them equal time to tell you their perspective. You must not stop them when they say that you are not fulfilling their desires.
You must let them speak and you must also speak and you must stay positive.
· TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY
When we talk about needing to understand why, we do not mean that you must keep asking them why they have a different level of sexual desire.
What we mean by why is that you should simply try to understand their perspective.
You should try to understand why they are not having the same sexual desire as you. It might be because of multiple factors which can be anything from depression to any kind of mental stress.
Or it can even be from health issues which might not have been diagnosed. It might even be from any kind of medication they are taking.
Whatever the reason might be, you must try in a very non-judgemental way to understand them.
If you do that properly then you are very much on your way to understanding how to handle differences in sexual desires.
· TRY TO COMPROMISE
This is probably going to be the most important point of how to deal with different sexual needs. The only real solution that we can provide you is to find a path of compromise.
If you want to make sure that you really want to balance sexual needs then you need to choose compromise.
One among the both of you needs to compromise on their sexual desires. If you are the person who has more libido than you should compromise on that for the sake of your partner.
You should understand them and understand that they do not feel comfortable with the level of sex drive that you have.
A relationship is not just about sex and you must choose between sex and the person and that will ultimately lead you to compromise if you love the person very much.
· TRY OUT OTHER WAYS OF INTIMACY
If you feel like it is too difficult for you then you do not need to worry because they are a lot of ways to fulfil intimacy needs without being sexual.
You simply have to sit down with your partner and work out new ways of intimacy without being sexual.
One of the great ways of achieving intimacy is to simply understand the emotional needs of your partner and to connect emotionally with them. It can be by supporting them and encouraging them.
It can also be done by cuddling with them or simply holding hands or even kissing them. It can be by giving them back rubs or by giving them massages.
You can choose to do fun activities with them that they like. While these are not going to be sexual in nature but you are definitely going to be closer to your partner.
It’s not always about the sex because there is a whole world outside it.
· AVOID PRESSURE
One of the worst things you can do in this situation is to pressurize your partner because that will make things very bad for the relationship.
A lot of times people knowingly or unknowingly emotionally blackmail their partner.
While that might lead to more sex but they are definitely not doing it happily. They are simply doing it because of your persistence and pressure.
Sex that is not done freely is not good sex and it is generally a very bad thing to do.
That is why you must never force someone to have more sex simply because you need more sex.
· SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
If you feel like nothing is working and if you do not want to lose this person or this relationship then there is only one option for you.
And it is to seek professional help from a marriage counsellor or therapist. They are going to diagnose the problem for you.
They are going to create a non-judgemental zone so that you can express your desires and your problems correctly.
There is a better chance of success and recovery of the relationship if you choose to seek professional help rather than trying to make it work from the suggestions of your friends and well-wishers.
Professionals understand mismatched libido and they understand how to solve it.
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